The Fairy Tale of The Baby Princess

everything gone in just a morning

2011-04-23T14:56:00.002+08:00

the house got broke in to last saturday.
everything that i have bought for myself and received as pressie have gone..

i hate the thieves!!

but after all, i learnt a leasson.
material does not last.

i just hope it will turn better after this incident.

april

2011-04-10T18:18:00.000+08:00

so fast it's already april.. and i think i have been missing quite a bit in life. i should catch up with things. and it's new financial year, new target at work. and what's for my life?

first post of the year

2011-02-12T23:53:00.003+08:00

the first post does not fall on a happy day but today it's a sad day.
i have to move out from the house, much earlier than the expected date because the room has got weirdy smell. can't take it anymore.

temporary that i have to stay with my sis.

and i have been told the same answer by the man that he'll never want to be with me for n times. whenever i asked for anything, the answer will be the same.
i have been crying for a while.
i have been warned by bestie to let go...

and it's not that i'm not willing to this time.. but i am forced to let go.

good bye love.
i'll never want to be hurt anymore.
i got enough.

and welcome single life...

last day of 2010

2010-12-31T13:11:00.002+08:00

突然间又一种失落感.
我觉得我被嫌弃，被遗忘，被抛下了！
而我问自己，而我又有哪种权力喊他留下。

从一开始，我就一直在losing end.
今天也许是我想放弃的一天。
但我每一次想到放弃，我的眼泪都一直在流。

我不想再问为什么这样，为什么那样。
我也好累。
我想眼泪可以少流一点，睡可以睡得好一点。

我知道他已尽量可以的都给我了。
但也许是我要的更多了。
所以我只想自己可以满足自己多一点。

我是应该努力一个人生活。
我该将龟壳穿上，继续往前进。
我会爱自己多很多。

Do you still remember?

2010-10-08T10:26:00.001+08:00

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口

过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都忘了
这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的
有一天有一天都会停的

让时间说真话
虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后
我们都不知道会不会有遗憾

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都累了
却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑
怎么说怎么说都没有救

亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人
等对方先说找分开的理由

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中
看见了不同的天空
走的太远
终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我
要有两个相反的梦

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

why is it so?

2010-09-25T10:29:00.003+08:00

when i know no one in the world will agree with it and you are still pouring me the coldest water and tell me the cruelest reality.

the next thing you gotta tell me is... 'you are not fit to be the one'.

congratulations, mr & mrs leif

2010-09-19T22:04:00.001+08:00

just got back from the long journey.

all the way to simpang renggam for leif's wedding reception.
stayed over last night.
something different.

the spoiled bread is no longer that demanding.
so long she gets her air-conditioned room and clean room, she'll be sleeping like a little girl.

anyway, congratulations to mr & mrs leif on their marriage.
may they be happy ever after.

:)

striving hard!

2010-09-05T00:25:00.002+08:00

i am still working hard towards it.

i hope the flowers bloosom.
i hope there will be fruitful results.

but how many times i can live in denial?

i don't want the worst to happen.
so i choose to live one day at a time.

sorry, i just can't help.

do u feel the same?

2010-08-23T20:03:00.003+08:00

sometimes you think it's annoying hearing me complaining about this and that.
but it's more annoying if you don't see me not smiling, not talking, not reacting....

then you'll know, the world is greenier with me making noise!

我是一只小小鸟

2010-08-22T23:42:00.002+08:00

The way Ding Dang sings it has touched my heart.
And i realised, i'm that tiny searching a place to keep me warm!

有时候我觉得自己是一只小鸟
想要飞却怎么也飞不高
也许有一天我攀上了枝头却成为猎人的目标
我飞上了青天才发现自己从此无依无靠

每次到了夜深人静的时候我总是睡不着
我怀疑是不是只有我明天没有变的更好
未来会怎样究竟有谁会知道
幸福是否只是一种传说我永远都找不到

我是一只小小鸟
想要飞呀却飞也飞不高
我寻寻觅觅寻寻觅觅一个温暖的怀抱
这样的要求不算太高

所有知道我的名字的人啊你们好不好
世界是如此的小我们注定无处可逃
当我尝尽人情冷暖当你决定为了你的理想燃烧
生活的魔力与生命的尊严哪一个重要

let love lead the way

2010-08-14T00:47:00.001+08:00

"Let Love Lead The Way"

What makes this world go round
Will the answer let her down
She is so sweet and young
And her life has just begun
What does her future hold
That's the story left unknown
Will she make it through her days,
Let our love lead the way

Part of me laughs (oh)
Part of me cries
Part of me wants to question why (question why)
Why is there joy
And why is there pain (ooh)
Why is there sunshine and the rain
One day you're here
Next you are gone
No matter what we must go on
Just keep the faith
And let love lead the way

Everthing will work out fine
If you let love, love lead the way

Sitting there all alone
In the window of her room
Watching the world go by
Brings tears to her eyes
All she sees is hurt and pain,
She wants to break the chain
She'll keep pressing everyday
And she'll find her own sweet way

Part of me laughs (me laughs)
Part of me cries (I cry)
Part of me wants to question why (wants to question why)
Why is there joy
Why is there sunshine and the rain
One day you're here (you're here)
Next you are gone (you're gone)
No matter what we must go on (I will go on)
Just keep the faith (keep your faith)
And let love lead the way (I know, I know, I know, ooh whoa)

You can be all that and still can be who you are
You gotta know for sure that it isn't make believe
You may feel weak but you are strong
Don't you give up if
If you keep holding on, you'll never be wrong
Just close your eyes cause it lies deep in your heart, yeah

Part of me laughs
Part of me cries (I cry)
Part of me wants to question why (question)
Why is there pain
Why is there sunshine then the rain
One day you're here (you're here)
Next you are gone (you're gone)
No matter what we must go on (I will)
Just keep the faith
And let love lead the way (lead the way)

Part of me laughs (I laugh)
Part of me cries (I cry)
Part of me wants to question why (Question why)
Why is there joy (So much joy)
Why is there pain (So much pain)
Why is there sunshine then the rain
One day you're here (You're here)
Next you are gone (You're gone)
No matter what we must go on (I will)
Just keep the faith
And let love lead the way (Lead the way)

Everthing will work out fine
If you let love, love lead the way
Love lead the way

give up

2010-08-04T22:53:00.005+08:00

today i feel rather fed up with it.
i do not know how long more i can put up to all the arrangement.
mean while, i'm only seeking the full occupancy of work to ensure i do not have spare time to look into the matter.

knowing it is only a way to escape from reality but each time i just find it more calming after a ten-minutes of thinking.

you just would not know how much it means to me.

first saturday back home

2010-07-17T09:18:00.004+08:00

finally, this is a day that i don't have to wake up with the usual music tone that i hear on the weekdays..
and i don't have go for class.
i don't know if u can feel my excitement...
but am definitely jumping like a kid being happy not needed to attend classes.

it's been a week since am home and i have been busy with workworkworkworkwork.
ain't complaining but the question still lies in my body remained unsolved.
i have actually made up my mind when i was on the long break, but somehow when i returned, i just can't be the superwoman and call the final decisison.

the rest of the thing hasn't been smooth either.
am caught between bestie & love.
being a libran, would like to maintain things in a balance way.
this round, it will certainly add a lil weight on to the shoulder but since am the one that made the decision, then i will bare with the consequences.

1 week old

2010-07-04T18:45:00.003+08:00

the first week, i feel so excited of having you.

but today, i don't.

i know it's weekend.

but it does not excite me anymore

and what i'm telling myself is... 'it's just another day on earth!!"

and i occupy myself with things.

things like that will only worsen my spending habit.

and leaving my phone not entertained over the weekend.

no doubt, i love you, i miss you.

somewhere over the rainbow

2010-06-11T23:53:00.005+08:00

it's been a while since i seen the rainbow

我知道我已经在不知不觉中
掉入爱你的圈套
也许是执迷不悟
但就是喜欢听到你的点点滴滴

也许你能给的就是那一点点的回忆
但能看到你的笑也就很好
也许我不知道的你的一切

但至少从你口中述说

比其他都来的重要

somewhere over the rainbow

skies are blue

and the dreams that you dare to dream

really do come true.

silence

2010-06-08T20:21:00.002+08:00

whenever i'm waiting for the reply..
i heard nothing but it's only silence.

i know this round it'll take me a while to withdraw from the situation.
and i know you have given signal for quit playing the game.

but i know, the seed has planted.
and it will grow.

apology for not being careful.
but i heart you!

happy

2010-06-08T00:15:00.004+08:00

i'm the happiest one earth today.

because i was fed with this but not because of the bank account.

gene knows best how i feel.

she knows how much i love this:-

my fave (non-pre-packed) wife cake

sometimes

2010-06-07T10:44:00.004+08:00

sometimes i run

sometimes i hide

sometimes i'm scared of you

but all i really want is to hold you tight

treat you right

be with you day and night

baby, all i need is time!!!

not much of contact
not much of personal touch

not much of words spoken.

i can still feel your presence.

yet, i know i will never have a lil place within your sight.

i shall burry the lil pic and feeling.

my mistake

2010-06-05T01:23:00.003+08:00

for feeling it this way.

i have this weird feeling.
and i dislike it.
i know it is not right.
but do you think feeling can just be killed like that?

i have no way to describe.
i have no way to express.
but i can choose to hide it and pocket it.

mummy's bday

2010-05-30T23:00:00.001+08:00

actually, today is supposed to be mum's 60th bday.
but ..... u know lah.

and i don't have to continue further.

freedom soon

2010-05-30T22:56:00.002+08:00

in 3 weeks!!!

was rather busy for the past one month since daddy left.
it was not all because of him, but work as well.
i was really tired and had insufficient of sleep making me looking like a zombie.

and now if you asked me if i'm ready for the exams, i'll tell you, NOT AT ALL.
well, i have 3 weeks to complete 4 modules now.
and 1 mission accomplished.
so people i'll be gone missing again. :P

RIP, Daddy

2010-04-29T14:54:00.003+08:00

daddy left us behind this morning in silence.

not a word that he has for me...

i'm sorry, dad.

i haven't been good all this while.

i'm sorry, dad.

i was not around when you are suffering all the pain.

may you rest in peace with mummy.

i promised mummy to be good.

and now i promise you, i'll be silent.

you beat mom.
you have my graduation pic but she doesn't.

21 april

2010-04-21T22:29:00.004+08:00

i haven't been doing my blogging for a while.
i have been rejecting quite some calls, invites, outings
and the bestie has been complaining too.

so i am telling myself, i want to spare my time again for my friends and family.
i want to see the bestie, the friends, the ex colleagues, the bankers and the sisters.
tomorrow, i shall be going for a dinner with the coursemates in conjunction with Summer's bday.
sunday, there is a fullmoon hosted by Evon at klang..
i have yet to revert but i shall be going.

i am occupied till june, still but i smell the freedom in june.

these days, i have doubt if i'm moving on the right path.
i am still discovering the inner self and the needs.
i could not identify certain things.
i ought to react differently nowadays.

i am not sure which dysfunctional part button is ONz..
but i need to remind myself to be at conscious state at all time.

time has been bad.
things has not been good;
i am still in a pieace and
i wanted to tell you, i want nobody but you.

do you hear me?
do you still remember me?

i still remember the words that i've said that made me being here, alone still.

i'm free for half a day

2010-04-17T22:38:00.004+08:00

finally, on a saturday, i'm free..

thanks to the virus.
i'm down with fever.
having headache and the eyes are burning hot.

lets pray that i am not diagnosed with AH1N1.
i shall go to bed soon.

gambate

2010-04-05T01:18:00.001+08:00

i have so much to work on...
2 mths to finish the classes and in june, exam!!!

i'm getting a lil tired.
nightmares haunted me almost every nights.

and i tried not to let myself fall...
i do not want to get into trouble.

where are you, dearest?
i am waiting still...

:)

stressnya

2010-03-23T18:21:00.002+08:00

financial year closing this month...
i'm really busy chasing cases to be in by 31st... and getting the deferment done.

am one that never like to speak to the customer directly, but this month, kena few times dee...
this morning kena quite mad also...
but what to do, i have to ensure the bankers are doing sales happily and comfortably so i gotta do the part that they do not like to do loh..

the worst of the day is i got a call this afternoon before leaving the office to enquire on the account value and after i've done the checking, i left my car key on the desk and i walked to the miles-away-car-park realising car key not with me. and mana tau, it started to rain and making me WET.... sigh... can it be any better? i shall not fall sick at this critical moment.

stressed gila betul betul.

dreaming of you

2010-03-06T07:57:00.003+08:00

last night.

i haven't been dreaming of you for a while and honestly, i hardly dream.
i was shocked when i woke up remembering the dream because most of the time i forgot the dreams.

i did not mention your name or talk about you yesterday.
but i did talk to some one about 'patience'.

i have never thought that you would came up to me in the dream.
i hope the dream will come true and
i'll wait for the day and the courage to tell you, how much i love you.

i still want a good dream every night.

change is the only constant

2010-03-04T20:20:00.001+08:00

people changes every 72 days?

i am not sure on the exact days but i know for sure, everyone changes...

but as for myself, i think i'm getting annoyed with 无事不登三宝殿
i would say... dont cari pasal with me and dont give me empty promises.

i will certain walk away quietly.

失落感

2010-03-01T23:03:00.002+08:00

is how i feel today.

it is a little strange.
losing direction and don't know what to do.
nothing to look forward to.

i don't know why the traffic on monday is the worst...
it was not so bad after the penchala toll plaza.
but now there are many 'policeman' taking care of the traffic and making it the worst traffic ever.

my maths is very bad

2010-02-07T23:42:00.004+08:00

isn't 50% of 149.90, 74.95??
or is my maths too bad till i don't know how to count?

tired

2010-02-05T21:57:00.001+08:00

work has been quite taxing this week although there are only 4 working days..
but i'm working tomorrow.

event at branches!!!
see you, nilai!
i am so so so tired.

thought of you

2010-02-02T01:34:00.002+08:00

when i browse through the pages on fb.

saw your pictures and in fact, talked about you a little on saturday with fangshyuan.
we seriously missed it twice, and i wonder, if there is the 3rd time.

but i think it is very unlikely to happen.
however, god making me not meeting anyone at the moment if it is hinting me the 3rd chance is on its way?

My 2010 Resolutions

2010-01-31T02:26:00.001+08:00

it took me a while to think about what I should do for the remaining 11 months for the year.

Money/Savings
Spend less and save more.
I bought Bijak. Hehehe... Right now, 1/5 of my salary has gone to insurance.
Probably this year, I'll start doing UT.
But then, I'll have my mid-term liability starting from April... and I need to spare some funds for studies.
Ermmm.... before 2011 hits, I shall have a substantial amount in the bank.
Career
Work and complain less.
Well, for last year... I mentioned that the experience and exposure gained shall be the most important as compared to the money. However, without the money... you'll never live. As at now, I am quite contented with the current working environment. But I shall not resist better work opportunity. Well, I shall see. At the mean time, I will still do my best at work.
Love
I hope I will find someone right!!!
Fitness
I am maintaining quite a healthy lifestyle now.
Going to gym though it's not that frequent.
Going for hiking.
Going for the sun out there.
I am just very different in 2009.
I did not know how much I love to sweat till I made it.
Studies
I hope I am able to complete the 4 modules by end of 2010.
Travel
I want to visit Australia this year.
I want to experience winter but I did not need to go for snow.
I wish I can visit London again but this time I want to go for Christmas & New Year.
Friendships
I have made a good friend.
Gene has been very closed to me since end of 2008. Seriously, I thank her for everything. Sharing all her happiness and bitterful story with me. Most of all, she inspired me especially in fashion. Thank her for cooking for me... and buying me good food and making me FAT.
My OC Seremban gang has been very supportive and nice to me. Though businss stream is no longer as good as the past, but I still thank them for everything.
Thanks all the bankers for the challenge and sharing. These are the experience could not be bought with money. Because of all the words from you, I grow up much faster as compared to the peers. You made me seeing world from a different angle. I need not be professional to stand up speaking loud. The experience gained worth more than zillion bucks in the bank.
Pictures
Starting my scrap book for my life journal. I do not know who is gonna share my memories but definitely, I would want to remember them on my head.
I want to print out some pictures to decorate my room!!

my overdue resolutions

2010-01-24T01:26:00.003+08:00

are yet to be done...

but i have to admit..
since i was back from the trip in may..
i was further 'down'.

i vested all the time and energy at work.
i do not want to think about if i am able to meet someone that i would love to be with.
i do not know if i learn the meaning of being in love again..

but today, i saw the particular pop-up on fb again..
and it reminds me....
that my redefining process is still not done.

due date= 31st jan?

still thinking of my new year resolutions

2010-01-05T23:00:00.002+08:00

it's already the 5th day of the new year and the resolutions are yet to be posted up.

it is because i'm redefining the things that i want in my life.
i'm wondering if i should have a switch in my life and my career.

it's time for me to think about it....

i'm disappointed.
looking at the mailbox again and not receiving a reply.
i'm feeling sad.
and now i have to tell myself to wake up....*slap slap*.

for the first time

2009-12-22T00:34:00.001+08:00

i see 5 figures...

lol!!

and it will last me for a few days ONLY.

the maurice lacroix is waving to me.

before all the long weekends hitting

2009-12-15T00:24:00.001+08:00

i shall do a little update on me me me and me.

i had just done the crappy-dunno-what-is-that-kind-of-financial-planning paper.
honestly, it does not remind me of college days.
for uni paper, it was serious shit if you do not know a concept and i assure you, you will see the same paper again the next year and it has no mcq.
but here, you get 4 choices for each questions and the way they question is like... you are not gonna what they want. honestly speaking, i shooted them with the bullet loh... am never good in mcq not to mention if i understand the question.
i was expecting things like i learnt in cf to be out in the exam calculating e(r) or covariance or risk but no no no!
but nevermind, it's over. maybe i do not get through this paper... :P

it was quite good taking 2 days off work.
to see my friends, to spend some monies.
and i bought a bracelet from CD matching a necklace i bought last year when i was caught at BKK airport.
they are not from the same series, but at least, similar. can't expect much.
am also eye-ing on the watch now!!
i have given up on the bags.
maybe i have not seen once that catches my eyes..

it gotta be a tiring week as i need to sit in the branches again..
la la la la la.
but i have task to be completed before the bankers going on leave....
i am doing something to show my appreciation, at least!!!
it's time to summarise the year and make a conclusion... and plan for next year.

i choose to end the year with a big :)
i will forget how you have shouted at me.
but i hope next year you will put me closer to your heart.

i forgot

2009-12-07T23:16:00.001+08:00

that waiting for a reply is really killing.

i am checking the mailbox like every hour, and i don't see the particular reply.
and in my heart i'm thinking, it'll never come true!

it's time to wake up.

random

2009-12-05T16:50:00.001+08:00

i haven't been here for a while.
feeling strange but one of those days..
i remember this somebody that i saw like 4 years ago in a wedding.

and i am thinking if this somebody still remember me?

beeezzzzy

2009-11-15T12:33:00.002+08:00

it's been a while since i last update about things.

this round, only words.

arrggghh...
i was working yesterday.
but nvm, at least it was a fruitful one.
and then... today...
gonna bring gene to buy her bday present.
tomorrow gonna do some branch visitations before sitting in the branch the whole day on tue.
then.. finally wed and thurs i am granted to do my study!!!
my loma 290 on friday.
kinda worried lah..

i am never in the mood to study.
not to mention next mth CFP module 1 loh.

i have a date

2009-11-05T21:18:00.001+08:00

yeah, finally.
i had a date.
are you happy for me?

look at me.

yes, it's me camwhoring in the clk.
and for once, driving is not a disaster.

and now i tell you the truth...
that is... who i dated ...

and it's SPRING!!!
i went for the musical at KLPAC, Sentul west on the 1st nov.
and it was the finale.
the funniest thing is.. i bumped into munchiew and family!!!
what a small world!

it's my maiden musical and it was really good.
tears welled in my eyes when they sang something really touching and i still remember when i was young, my first time watching the drama was... the ATV production... and my mom was playing it at the living room.

and now time flies....
i have grown up and i'm now mid 20s.

every sighing about work and this is really bad and it gotta be my new resolution to change that.
let it all out and forget about it.
i just want to enjoy world and time more.

too many uncertainties.
heard about people getting sick, diagnose with leukemia, kena stroke .... etc etc.
well, i heard about this is not because of my word related experience but somehow it's through the word of mouth.

thus, i think appreciates the present and look forward the future and learn from the past shall be the quote to share.

birthday cake for the year

2009-10-28T23:19:00.004+08:00

it's my first bday cake for the year.

and it's my first ice-cream cake, i think.

courtesy from alvis boss, adrian and kelvin.

for one minute, i feel like crying.

last year, i had nothing.

not a cake, not a present, not a stalk of flower, nothing

but tears!

this year...

i have everyone and all the laughter!

and this is the reason why i'm staying with the co.

iwanna ... iwanna

2009-10-28T00:17:00.001+08:00

quit!

and today is not april fool.

update update!!

2009-10-24T13:12:00.003+08:00

sorry sorry..
i haven't been blogging for a while.

i have been really busy this month.
too many days of parking.
oh gosh, that is really tiring and stressful.
i am just wishing for a fruitful day, hopefully.... *pray for me*

today, i just want to have a happy family day with sis all meeting up.
we gonna have steamboat party...
lol... just the few of us!.
and seeing my baby boy!!
gosh, i miss him so much....

i want to rest rest rest...
i'm gonna have a very worktiedup week this coming week.

and i want to dress up for halloween...
okay.. no need to purposely dress up.
i am already looking like one of the horror character.

yours truly

2009-10-07T21:36:00.003+08:00

is also named as MISS NEGATIVE.

omg..
i didn't know i'm super duper negative until i was told that my sky is greyish.
lol..

i'm so worried about tomorrow morning.
sigh...

happy birthday to me

2009-10-02T23:51:00.004+08:00

happy birthday to me

happy birthday to me.

honestly..

this is the year that i've heard 3 times of bday song in a day.

thanks dearest.

seriously, i was not looking forward for birthday.

but i'm shocked that the thought has touched my heart.

thanks for the bouquet.

thanks for the cake.

thanks for the songs.

charm

2009-09-27T22:05:00.002+08:00

i've got the prettiest crown.
and.. i wonder if i'm getting the prettiest 'faith... love... hope'.

Lunch @ Delicious

2009-09-26T22:31:00.001+08:00

Had lunch with Gene after gym today.
Usually, we'll have a salad and wedges.
But I have warned her that she'll be eating the wedges on her own.
Thus, today she had the beef lasagna.

had something new today.
roast duck with pomelo salad.
it taste something like the vietnamese cold vermicelli.

come with peanut, tomato, onion (that i don't like), pomelo and roast duck in sweet chili sauce (i think that's how i describe it).

i admit that

2009-09-24T21:51:00.001+08:00

i am not good looking..
and i dislike myself for looking ugly.

thus i am telling myself..
pray hard to get a better looking husband...
so my baby will be good looking.

please.....

happy belated hari raya

2009-09-23T23:34:00.002+08:00

oh no..
i was away and i totally forgot i get an excuse to be away for a short getaway because of 'raya'.
sorry sorry.
in the resort there are not many muslim around except the staffs and i was not seeing many people.
i was not in the festive mood.

but i still want to wish the muslim a
happy belated hari raya.

hope you had fun.

weekend

2009-09-13T12:20:00.002+08:00

i'm going out to do a shopping...
perhaps, i can grab something nice and not pricey.

look.. i don't call them cheap.. but i term is 'not pricey' to make myself feeling better.

growing up

2009-09-09T23:03:00.004+08:00

is part of life.

and each time after i fell.. i climb again.
today, i notice things were given by the j bf is no longer something meaningful.
when i'm looking at the bears, they are just some normal soft toys that probably i'm using to decorate my room.
not to mention the fairy-tale-ring that i do not know where i place it.

when it's over... certainly i know, am not looking back at it.
i told myself, it only added some experience to my life.
and each time i should have becoming smarter.

:P

you can call me

2009-09-06T22:19:00.002+08:00

lame... very lame.

whenever work does not go well, i'll tend to seek for advice.
this round, i don't seek for advice from my boss.
i went to see fortune teller.

a friend referred me to this crystal shop.
and gosh, by looking at my palm, he said i'm lost in career.
in my heart, i was thinking 'hei meh? why i am still ok? i just feel that it's not smooth mah, how come said i'm lost.'
nevermind loh... continue to listen.
he further continue saying that i will not have 'smooth' relationship because in my previous life, i have broken someone's relationship.
i was like 'gam sai lei?? look at the palm everything can be seen woh... dunno can buy toto or not?'
but of course, this is not my first time listening to fortune teller.
but this round, what he said was extraordinary from the others.
in fact, i feel a little not nice dee...

so i went back to the fortune teller that i've seen twice.
go and get second opinion. (lame mou?)
this uncle din say what the first guy said.
but uncle said career luck this year is not that good.
just continue to work loh...

and i'm home with a happy mind.
at least i know i'm not lost.

lol.

winnie says

2009-09-05T00:03:00.002+08:00

"maybe he wants a clear cut and does not want to give you a false hope."

and this enlighten me.
maybe this is the truth by not replying me anymore.

and i should bid farewell to the 'can-never-happen-story'.
maybe this is what you wanted.

and i should wish you the best.
maybe this will make me move on one step further.

today, i remember

2009-09-03T22:00:00.002+08:00

how i waited by the laptop for you to appear online.
how i waited for the sms during midnight when you are done with your work.

i teared.

i am regret that i am being too realistic to consider about all the factors.
i am regret that i was not able to tell you how i felt.

i teared.

i really wanted to sit by the window to wait for your return for work everyday.
i really wanted to clean the flat for you and cook you dinner.

i teared.

it's all too late..
i am waiting for an impossible.
i give myself some time for it.
i hope to see you return.

that's what i pray for everday.

happy birthday to you.

2009-09-03T21:45:00.002+08:00

happy birthday to you.

may you have many happy returns.

warmest regards.

merdeka

2009-08-31T00:28:00.001+08:00

is the word for the day.

happy 52th birthday, malaysia.

i do really hope malaysia can develop and improve.
i really mean IMPROVE, malaysians.

PD

2009-08-30T21:12:00.001+08:00

i had a short trip to PD over the weekend with the colleagues.
it was fun to have so many people around and it has definitely deepen our relationships.
we had loads of alcohol and food - steamboat.
i am looking forward to having another trip soon.

the piece of biscuit i had in childhood

2009-08-26T22:59:00.003+08:00

since young, i'm never a thin person.
i am always chubby or you can call me FAT from time to time.
maybe the only time you see me losing weight is when i have a serious heartbreak..
which i think it happened 3 times, so far.

honestly, it is not so hard to please but once i am in very bad mood, it tends to take a little effort to think of what to make me smile again.
my mom knows best what to do all time.
and somehow i feel that, she knew my appetite very much.
seeing me putting on weight, she'll cut down food that i like for when she was preparing for lunch/dinner.
knowing i have very choosy tastebud, she prepared things that i won't eat much.
vice versa.

i dropped by the sundry shop today to get some dates.
saw loads of mooncakes over the counter.
and i found this

omg...
it reminds me of mama.
she used to buy me this every year around the mooncake festival.
i brought to school, to tuition..
for breakfast/snack.

i think all of you have seen this biscuit elsewhere especially in market.
but the taste is really 'normal'.
what is great about this biscuit today...
to me, it's more like a memory.
it reminds me of my plain like vanilla kind of childhood that i only spent time with my mom.

buying the biscuit and eating it certainly make me smile.
but if i am able to tell her... i'll definitely say
mama, i love you.
i know it's impossible.

i thought of sending 'him' some of these biscuits.
i miss 'him' too.
i thought of sharing my thoughts with 'him'.
i know i fell for 'him' after so many years, again.
but again, i know it's impossible.
though today i'm waiting for that impossible.

dear you, i miss you.
i remember what you said before you left.
i really thought of telling you this when i saw you.
'shall we?'

but.... you are already seeing someone.

mom's dod

2009-08-19T23:32:00.000+08:00

it's mom's dod today
and it has been 5 years...
time really flies.. but am still missing her very very much.

fed up

2009-08-19T09:45:00.000+08:00

today isn't exactly in the good condition for work.

feeling fed up.
feeling given up.
feeling 'i-dunno-either'.

gosh.. pls help.

i'm blessed

2009-08-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

that i have 20 AMs around to support me and to cheer me up.

i seriously have no regret being where i am today.
but.. i seriously beh tahan... those people.

save me pls.

a relaxing sunday night

2009-08-09T20:29:00.001+08:00

before heading back to work tomorrow...
i have a quiet and relaxing night.
sipping the strawberry & rasberry tea bought by chunmei.
and looking at the screen...
thinking about the dream.

lazy

2009-08-08T23:45:00.001+08:00

i want to blog about things happened, food eaten, places i've been to...
but i have really like so busy with work... and now classes.

i better be on track and coming back to blog...
and i'm still considering to get myself a domain.

:)

have you ever

2009-07-29T22:45:00.002+08:00

try to know how i feel?

i bet you have never.

but today, i seriously think.. i shall lay back.. and reconsider the wants.
maybe i should just.... consider... to settle down.

away from town

2009-07-25T08:13:00.002+08:00

last week i was away for malacca
and today i'm gonna be away for ipoh.

the job has given me a chance to see the country.
althought the b payout is not exactly what i thought it would be...
but.. i am still liking my colleagues.. the teams... the bosses... the company.

:D

do not take for granted

2009-07-20T22:45:00.002+08:00

today i've learnt not taking things for granted.

i have heard of the saddest story.
i did not want to lose such a good account in our portfolio.
we have been working hard and giving our full support.
and we learn from each mistake to make it better.

when our relationship has been closed enough..
there's a third party moving in..
and we are now at a position of...... no where.

do not take things for granted.
always give your best.
that's the only thing i can do.

change

2009-07-19T23:52:00.006+08:00

i admit that i change.
i am no longer the innocent one that you know.

i do not have another option to choose from.
i only can live with things evolving around me.

i am trying to think out of the box.
i do not want to regret when i am really old.

although i'm a little playful now but i am still the same silly-blurry one.
i just want to see the world and enjoy the days i have before committing to anyone again.

i want to catch the aurora and trying out the exciting thingy.
then only... staying in to be the homely one again.

this doesn't sound like me.
but it's really me speaking.

:)

i miss my red hair

2009-07-14T22:59:00.001+08:00

i miss my red hair.

i want my red hair.

happy... or not happy

2009-07-08T22:29:00.002+08:00

i'm super not happy.
caz i got accused loh.

this banker said i told her some information...
which i never even said.
and even before she called her head office, i already told her i don't know and i've never said before.

omg... you really think i'm so stupid... wanting the same problem to happen?
sigh..
beh tahan.

i'm happy because i'm still alive today.
should i think this way?

light in the dark

2009-06-30T21:43:00.003+08:00

i'm actually searching for the light.
the light that will brighten my life especially it's almost the darkest part of the life.
i don't think i've found the light.
but i am still looking forward..

it will take me a while.

poor loser

2009-06-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

i admit..
i am the poorest loser.

i had a reason to keep my hair.
i had a reason to look forward.
i had a reason to make sure i am good.
i had a reason to change my mindset.

but mind you... it's i had.
and today... the reason is no longer a valid reason for me to do so.
shall i still keep going?
or shall i just u turn?

i like you more than i do.
i know you are hinting me that you have moved on.
sorry for being stupid.
i know good things wait for noone.

i'm not hating you for not waiting.
i can only put you in the heart.
i don't mind to do all for you here so long you are happy.
but i am not seeing you anymore.

i'm sorry.

i like this

2009-06-27T22:39:00.003+08:00

最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过

我知道你看不明白
但我也知道你已经没再上来了

我知道我也许不能再看见你
所以我只能用我和你的合照做墙纸

没有你在我的身边
我只好每天看着那合照
怀念着那暧昧的过去

这一次我真的比失去更难受

forgetful

2009-06-25T21:38:00.002+08:00

i am famous for being forgetful.
i can't remember much about the past.
i do not know why.
it could be the reason, the inner self choose not to remember the unhappy one.
or the memory faded off as time goes by.

i was putting my things on the new furnitures.
i found these v-day cards, bday cards, new year cards etc etc
when i opened up and read them, it reminds me of the past.
i wasn't sad.
but i was smiling....
telling myself, people move on.

over the conversation with a friend today, i brought up this name.
i was saying i am not seeing this person.
i do not want to see.
i do not want to think.
i do not want to hear.
and in fact, i do not want to know anymore.

i've choosen to step back.

i waited for months with a happy mind... just for the chance to see him and tell him.
but unfortunately, i did not have the chance to do so.
i came home with the most disappointed heart.
and today, i still feel the same.

i am back for a month.
and i thought i could hide away everything.
but .... i failed to do so.
the work has rubbed some salt on the irrecoverable scar.

tired

2009-06-20T10:33:00.001+08:00

i'm really really tired.

working late... talking non stop...
and coming home to pack everything and to clear them is worse.
i must settle the room before i go on leave in july.
so little time.. so much to do.

frustration

2009-06-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

i still believe...

if i have the frustration at work.. that means i am still liking my job.

missing you

2009-06-15T18:17:00.001+08:00

i know you are going home...
but i think i will not be able to see you.

deep in my heart, i know i miss you... more than i thought....

my war

2009-06-10T21:16:00.002+08:00

hereby, i declare my war with food.
i must lose the inches and kgs...
i beh tahan loh!

happy birthday, dear blog!

2009-06-03T23:32:00.002+08:00

my blog is turning 3 today.

honestly, if i don't have this blog, i won't be able to remember what had happened.
it was sad 3 years ago.
but today.. i'm just another ordinary girl on earth.. spending time... smiling, laughing..

i swear.. i just want to be that simple... and be happy.

dear blog, happy birthday.
thanks for being there for me for the past 3 years.

:)

confide

2009-06-02T22:59:00.003+08:00

i hope i'll be able to confide everything to you,

as i have never been able to confide in anyone.

and i hope you'll be a great source of comfort and support.

i love the quote from anne frank.

somehow, it speaks my mind.

stop

2009-06-02T09:22:00.001+08:00

the day you stopped viewing this page told me...
you are no longer aware of my little thought.
and you want to stay away from me.

MIA

2009-05-31T22:52:00.003+08:00

sorry for being mia.

there was something that i can't sort out in the past 1 week.
i am home.
but my heart has never been home.

i thought i can wait for you to come home next year to know you better.
i thought i can slack for another year and enjoy life as it is now.
i thought i should not bother you too much and add pressure to your work.
i thought i should just wait for time to tell.... it is gonna be you that will light up my life.

but

i did not know... time flies and they never wait for me.
i did not know... i can't assume that you will think the same like me.
i did not know... you will need someone to be there.
i did not know... you can always find someone better.

you know me..
you know my wants...
you know my impatience...
you know if the shan shines again...

i told myself that i should not hurt you with my bad temper.
i told myself that i should not gain pity.
i told myself that i should be more realistic.
but i did not tell myself i should hold up to the feeling and face it now.

till..... i lost the chance of telling you....
this time, i was the one of not asking....
and i do not know if i will have another chance telling you that i feel the same for you.

i do not know if i will want to see you again and smile the way i'd like to.
but... i hope the best goes to you.
you have been a great friend, great company, great listener and i hope you will always be.
but... i know there are constraints and you might not be able to do that again.

if there is something to blame about for the lost...
it's just myself for not being good enough.

home

2009-05-28T00:16:00.001+08:00

i'm home.
but still a little jetlagged.
still in london time.

i miss london.
i miss the host.

but i have no time to cope with the work back at work.
stressednya...

getting away

2009-05-11T17:13:00.002+08:00

getting away this time around is not as easy as i thought but somehow it added another burden on my back to face the reality.
it is not that painful this time.
but it struck me the whole night long till i see the sun again.

there is no reason for me being where i am now
perhaps, another round of disappointment.

:)

blogging from russel square

2009-05-10T05:44:00.001+08:00

hello....

i'm now at russel square...
tumpanging at rowan's friend's place.

i'm safe but i'm dead tired.
need a good rest before the longer journey hits.

i miss home. :)

2 more days

2009-05-06T09:07:00.003+08:00

2 more days and am going away.
and honestly speaking, i haven't started packing.

all that i have is 2 empty luggage bag with nothing!!!
i don't know what to bring except toileteries....
someone please help!!!

am looking forward to seeing the tulips...
seeing SPRING!!!!
seeing friends...
seeing the world...
and healing the broken heart...
and healing the illnesses....

hopefully, by the time i'm back..
i'm just as healthy as every one of you.

but due to AH1N1, i have to be extra cautious.
and.... just in case i don't come back,

i love you many many many many much a lot.

i thought...

2009-04-27T23:49:00.002+08:00

that i'm cool enough that i don't remember a word you said.
but today... out of sudden, the words that you have told me came across my mind.

'thank you!! one more pls!!'

isn't that sweet?

counting down

2009-04-26T22:57:00.002+08:00

in less than 2 weeks and i'm going away.

today i've learnt to cook curry chicken with gene.
woke up so early and went to ttdi market.
nevertheless it was a fun experience to me.
every week i'm trying something new.

but there is something in my mind that i can't tell..
i can't decide.
i don't know where to head to.

now.. i just want a cosy place with the loved one!!!
and i'm looking forward to the new challenge at work.

have a good start in a new week!!!

my teammates

2009-04-25T01:18:00.003+08:00

i haven't posted any pic on my colleagues.

but here i'm posting one.

the 2 hot & spicy girls in the team - caryn & jovyn.

i'm so fat as compared to them..

very soon and i will be in another team with 2 new colleagues.

i have yet to see their faces but story here and there.

a little worried and a little excited.

hahahaha.

can't be bothered.

i'm glad that i have people to share my thoughts and worries at work.

i thank all for being around making me laugh.

i love working with you.

i really smile when you tried so hard to make me smile when i'm really down.

you see me gone through whatsoever in the past.

but it does not affect me from growing up.

i will only strive harder.

and now i want to move on and take up new challenge.

i want to improve.

i want to progress.

i want to excel.

i want to be ME!

my fruitful weekend

2009-04-19T22:45:00.004+08:00

i had a very fruitful weekend.
i haven't had such a good feeling about life for the past few months.
touring around....
observing people....
and not reporting to anybody!!!

my cousins visited since friday.
so i brought them around to eat eat and only eat.
and in fact i gain another kg over the past 2 days.

we had dragon i @ curve, korean bbq @ daorae, dim sum, buffet @ sri angkasa, bkt @ kepong, and my fave fish head noodles.
omg.. too sinful.
i have not felt hungry over the weekend.

and sent them off to the lcct.
and went for facial.
omg.. i'm too stressed and my face is quite 'damaged'.
i use the word 'damaged' because i damn cannot tahan the face also.

and... the most fruitful one is...
i went for hiking.
seriously, it's my first time.
and i din bring along my sports attire.
i went with my khakis and baby tee.
over the past 2 days, i camped at my sis' place.
so i din bring much clothes along.
but still.. the clothing does not affect my excitement.
i'm just weird.
these days i love sweating than hiding in the hot-air-cond-room.

credit to PA!!!! THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

and i declare war with FOOD from now on.
i'm not gonna touch you except for light lunch.
the rest of the meal, i'm gonna substitute with cereal and oatmeal.
i hope i can make it for 1 week at least.

and i'm counting down to the taking off from KLIA.

:)

雨过天晴

2009-04-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

我曾经都也是这样想

雨过就会天晴吧
若知道痛了就会珍惜了啊
恋爱中有人被打垮
有人长大
你还爱我吗？

虽流过泪却无损爱的美丽
当然会有争执
但不许怀疑
越是大风雨越要守在一起
真爱全靠真心累积

这肺腑的话要你聆听仔细
虽然说不上什么死心塌地
我些许的过去妳要是在意
就等妳想通我一直在这里

雨过应该就会天晴吧
若知道痛了就要珍惜了啊
恋爱中有人被打垮
有人长大
妳还爱我吗？爱我吗？

眼看真的就要天晴啦
已知道痛了就要珍惜了啊
恋爱中有了变得傻
有人长大
妳会爱我吗?

眼看真的就要天晴啦
已知道痛了从此珍惜了啊
恋爱中越是多变化
越快长大
妳很爱我吗？
爱我吧

but i thought at the wrong side.
i thought when we have argued enough, you'll know me better.
i thought when i've told you enough, you'll realise.

但今天我觉得真的雨过天晴了
因为爱我的一直都会留在身边
痛过伤过泪流过一切都会变好
至少我是真正的付出我的爱

rainy days

2009-04-11T15:17:00.002+08:00

everyday is rainy day.
and it makes my days not so 'sunny' anymore and i don't see sunshines.

i miss the sunshines..
hopefully i'll see them still after the rain.

what do you think?

2009-04-08T23:46:00.002+08:00

男人不坏，女人不爱

女人不坏，男人不爱

how many of you actually agree?

and i'm one that is in between.

sometimes thing doesn't come in perfect condition.

okay, not sometimes but most of the time.

so i just hope 'the one' is pretty fine for me to be with.

fattening bkt at ss14

2009-04-05T22:48:00.001+08:00

a table full with bkt, yau char kwai, chinese wine chicken, veggie, enoki, and dried bkt.

omg..

it's so fattening.

it taste okay.

but i still prefer the one near my house.

sunday... another week

2009-04-05T09:26:00.002+08:00

it's like i can count with my fingers that i wake up so early on a sunday.
but still, i feel fresh.
i did not go to the club last night.
too many reasons!!!

i have a long day today.
but need to come home to rest and sleep early before starting another week.
:)

hakka noodles @ seremban

2009-04-02T21:15:00.003+08:00

had hakka noodles yesterday after work with Jessie.

it's quite nice though.

just that i need to go back for bday dinner with my sis.

thus i had the smallest bowl.

but it's enough to fill my tummy.

i'm so frustrated

2009-04-02T01:58:00.004+08:00

lol...
after i have typed the title for the post, i laugh.
why?
because i feel so shallow.
i thought i know him.
i thought i would understand.
but mana tau.... i got the most exciting question today.

guys, i seriously think i can't believe in words you said.
hahahaa....
i seriously need to think twice....
it takes me a while to answer your questions.
i don't think i will remember anything that you thought i would.

you have made me awake.
i know i've never waited for the return.
but i was there waiting to smile.... and laugh at the ending.
and today, i'm still waiting for the ending to tell.

it's a drama.
and thanks for making me watch.
i am not so frustrated after all.
i just mark a milestone today.

i made my decision.
i ignore.
i forget.
i forgive... because i know i have not known you.

finally.. it's financial year end

2009-03-30T23:52:00.002+08:00

tmrw is the day.

long awaited.
but it gonna be busy because it is an usual mth end closing.
last minute submission.
in-time policy inforced.

la la la la.
i hope market is gonna be better tmrw.
at least equities investment can cut off in a better position.
and .... i can have a little 'dessert' from this financial year end.
i hope.

Happy birthday, Ashley Bear!

2009-03-27T22:56:00.003+08:00

it's dear ashley bear's bday.
ashley is turning 1 today.

bought her on the plane.

she comes with fair skin and big bright eyes and she caught my attention.

honestly speaking. it marks a year since my last visit to Langkawi island.

it was an interesting trip.

had a little fun.

but that was the most relaxed trip that i had.

not going to island hoping. not exposing to the sun.

but forgetting phone calls, forgetting work and forgetting dreams.

today, i din forget the phone calls, i din forget about work, i din forget about my dreams.

i'm not having the most relaxed life.

but i look forward to having a relaxed trip with love.

happy birthday, ashley.

mommy loves you always.

hugs & kisses.

sick x 2

2009-03-24T21:58:00.004+08:00

omg..
yesterday i had diarrhoea and vomiting for n times.

and officially, i'm being adviced to talk as little as possible, as i'm suffering for laryngitis.
so now.. i can't talk as much as usual.
but due to job function, i still need to talk.
therefore, i talk slower, softer.....
it's not exactly my style, but i have to change just to make sure my voicebox will be alright.

pray for me lah. i want my voice back. i still want to sing k.
omg omg omg.
and in the midst of resting, i have so much things on hand to be done.
i have deadlines to meet.
i have bankers to see.
i have cases to follow up with.

and i realise i have to start studying for LOMA.
but i'm blessed that my friends & bankers are understanding enough that i can't talk so much.

thank you so much.

:)