Oh...
I worked till 9pm just now.
Was helping Grace...
I don't want her to stay till midnight.
Hopefully I did something for her!

She is a super-duper workaholic and I'm learning to be too since I don't really have much thing to do...

Sigh.....

Got scolded yesterday by few customers.
But I took them as experience.
As long as they are happy, I'll be all right.
They were just mad at the phones... not me.

But there was a lady named Joyce...
Her words used a lil too harsh.
She said... we, the customer service assistants "deserved" to be scolded.
Oh no....
I think she wasn't using the right speech.
There is nothing in the world is to be "deserved" by one.
Sigh..
I hope she'll be a lil more understanding.
I don't mind you guys being mad at me, but I don't deserved you guys being mad at me.

Sigh....

Oh no..
Please...
Don't let the virus attack me now.
I'm down enough...
Don't really have time to take care of some other illness.

I have sore throat.
I'm worried if it turns into fever later.

No no no... Please!

Well...
It's the 3rd day of work.
I am tired...
Real tired....
But I can't sleep!

Yesterday, I went to the clinic as mentioned.
He refers me to UMMC...
He thinks that I need some medication now to cure the short term prob.
The long term will depend on my condition...
Now I have 2 doctors...
Nyek nyek nyek....
1 man and 1 lady.

So today, I woke up early...
And drove to UMMC.
The waiting time is almost 3 hours for everything.
But my consultation was quite short because my situation is not that serious anyway.
So I have half day off today.
But gosh... I was given 2 types of medicine..
Shit... I see pills pills and pills..
But nvm...
To take it or not to take it is under my control.
Will be back for follow-up 2 weeks later.

As usual, it's thursday and I went for meditation class just now.
Told the teacher about my problem and he is willing to offer his help.
So I have 3 wise-enough-to-think-and-help people to help me now.
Sorry friends, I'm not saying you guys are not wise, just that the 3 people mentioned are professional.

Sigh....
I think I will need to take the pill then only I can sleep because my body is tired but my mind is dunno-how-to-desribe.
The brain is working but I dunno what is the left side doing and what is the right side doing now.

Perhaps, a beginning for me now.

This is the thing that always pop up... anytime... anywhere... in my eyes, brain and to my ears.
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end.

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream.

It's the first day of work today...
I actually worked till 8...
At 7.45pm, I didn't even realise it was late...
And there are many things to be done..
They are not really part of my job but I was just helping...
Because I know the following days, I will not be able staying to help her.
Tomorrow, clinic appointment.
Thursday, class.
Friday, Iris' farewell gathering.
Saturday, maybe over at PD.
Sunday, ???

I miss the most handsome boy badly...
I don't know if he ever walk pass me again but I know he is kinda busy with life.
A quick glance will help.

I'm going for the clinic tomorrow..
I hope it'll help..
Really...
Because I know looking at the handsome boy can't help...
Because I know the handsome boy will never walk into my life...
Because I know the handsome boy will never never talk to me!!!

How much I know?
Very much.
Because I know I'm like a faulty IC... causing problems here and there.

If the handsome boy ever talk to me...
I'm willing be vegatarian on new moon and full moon day.
I'm willing to wash people's plate after dinner for life.

I appreciate life because it is given.
I blink my eyes when I see illusion.
I cherish the special moments in life and chase after the dream.
I dance in the dream with the Prince.
I enjoy the dream when I see only the Prince.
I find all ways to fall asleep to be with the Prince.
I giggle before I sleep because I know there is a dream.
I hope for the best dream.
I inspire myself in the dream.
I join my hands together for the deepest thoughts and praying.
I kneel down for the sincerity in me to look for the dream.
I love the moment and the way Prince smiles in the dream.
I move closer to the dream each day.
I need the air for breathing because I want to live on and dream again.
I organise for the best to make myself prepared enough for the dream.
I pamper the Prince in each of the dream.
I queue for the dream each of the day.
I remember the dream with the Prince and his smile & laughter..
I share the best thing in me to cherish the Prince.
I take a deep breath before the dream starts.
I understand what makes dream not come true.
I visual the life like a dream.
I wonder the fun of life being like a dream.
I (e)xperience the best in the dream.
I yell when the dreams is going further and further.
I zoom nearer and the dream ends.

It takes me very very long to write the above.
I'm so clueless because I want to remember what I had in dreams...
But I just can't help.

Without the Prince in the dream again, I may focus on the Handsome boy that I will never see again.
Life is like a dream.
I wish to dance with the Prince again and I would play a song that never, ever end.

Went out with Pei Pei and Chee Eer to KL before work starts and before they start their another stage of life.
I haven't been to KL for so so so so long...
It was before trial exam, I guess..
I can't even remember.


Drinks


Mine, Pei Pei's, Chee Eer's and Ours


As if Pei Pei is taking the picture with her digicam...
Please.. it's not.
It was by taken Chee Eer!!


We wanted only 3 of us...
But the couple behind is just i-dunno-what-to-say.
Again, you think mirror works here???


The 2 that cheer me up...
Pei Pei and Chee Eer!


Excuse the eyebags!


My new pair for the replacement of the old pair.
Bought them in an "accident"...


Went for a hair cut in Snips @ The Curve.
I need a hair cut since... before exam..
Just that I don't have the time to think about what I want.
Now that I have a day off before work starts...
So I headed for a hair cut.
I just told them I want it short and simple.
I don't want the tail.


Before and After
My tail is gone.

Today I went to Malacca...
Followed a friend there.
I was trying not to disturb him because he is there to do something "important".
So I just followed behind him all the time...
Don't question because he needs to get things done fast...
Don't get annoyed by his lame-ness.
Hahahaa!
But we had a interesting topic in the car... it was about his religion and my beliefs.
Totally different.
But we didn't end up arguing, I think both of us quite like this kind of sharing.

I think different religion followers can achieve harmonies too....
Because this happened to me... and I think that can happen to anybody else.
Just try not to be too "stressed-up" with things that don't go your way.
But you can questions... in a good manner.
I know I wasn't in a very very very good manner when I asked "WHY"...
I still need to improve!
Maybe another round when I talk to him again about religion, we'll be better.

I'm glad that I stepped out from the house.
I'm glad that I tried to talk openly with others.
I'm glad that I didn't feel so hard to accept them.

Btw... I'm getting a job..
Probably starting on Monday..
Negotiating with my sis!

Oh my goodness...
I have headache like non stop...
Sleeping can have headache too...
Shit...
How to study like that??

Telling myself to relax relax...
So my brain won't cramp at the wrong time..

But really wan...
Look at something for more than 5 minutes..
My head starts spinning...
Oh no...
Please..
I still have one last paper to go tomorrow.
And it's like so damn important.

Please!!!
I don't want headache at this time..

Btw... I'm very sad for Roger Federer..
Got defeated by Rafel Nadal.
Sigh...
I followed the whole match..
Though of giving support by no..
My support can't help him too.

Yesterday, I went for the full moon puja but there were only 5 of us...
Nevermind...
I still put in effort to chant and to pray for all!
The Bro Robert was giving a short talk about challenges..
He gave real life examples ie Gold & Petrol...
I can't afford to buy them now and the price will keep on increasing.
So in the future maybe I'll become a poor girl that has nothing due to inflation rate.
Nevermind...
I prefer to build the merits...
Doing other thing to fulfill my spiritual needs..
At least it helps!

Yesterday, I was talking to my girlfriend, Angela for 2 hours.
I sincerely thank her for her words, support and her time spent with me.
I told her everything all over again...
Yes... Definitely she agreed that it was my fault.
But there is something nobody sees here.
It's something he did but he did not bare the consequences.
I don't want to say anything else...
But what he did is worsening the condition between me and a few people.
Or in fact.. his condition with this "few people" become worse.

I don't how you guys settle problem.
But usually if I did something wrong, I'll bare it myself.
I know by asking people to solve for me, there will be more trouble.
Please bare in mind, be responsible for anything you did no matter what happen.
For all this while, no matter what I did, I tried to solve it by myself.
And now.. when I'm trying to solve it, I'm not given a chance to do it anymore.
Nevermind...
Time will tell!!
I did put in effort to understand and think...
But the only thing I didn't do was to control my emotion.
Sorry lah...
For all this while, you should have known this.
You know my emotion goes up and down.
You should know I'm not doing them in purposed.

I can still remember, during this HK Annual Film Award, Zhou Xun won the best actress.
In her speech, she thanked her bf for accepting her bad temper when she was filming in Perhaps Love.

This thing told me...
If one really love you, s/he would accept all of you.

I was trying to accept all...
Trying to coordinate with all the thinking.
But... They are not important again.
I was awarded 2 words : Unbearable & Unbelievable
For me to continue to search for my life alone.
For my unbearable and unbelievable words and action and attitude, I apologise.
I was not mean to do them to hurt you too.

Nevermind.

Time will tell.
I can just control my temper and emotion.
I don't hate, I don't dislike.
I'll wish you well.

2 more days..
It's the MA, the last paper of this academic year.
But.... I haven't been revising today...

I tried and tried...
But I can't.
I can't understand any of the questions attempted today.
Maybe they are hard too + I cannot concentrate.
I'm looking forward to tonight's puja.
It will be the first time for my participation in BUBS' full moon puja.
This time I'll be alone but I'm not afraid.
I know he'll be with me in my heart.

Btw, on Thursday, I went for the meditation class.
That was my very first meditation class.
I followed the instructions but I was a bit lost..
I don't know how to relax my mind.
I was trying to chase away the thoughts but cannot...
It's not supposed to chase them away but slowly let go, let go and let go.
But nvm...
Anyway, I prayed in my heart...

May they be free from disasters?
May they be free from pain?
May they be happy always??

I prayed again and again.

Sigh....
Failure!!
But nevermind.
I'll try again next thursday.

I hope the exam over fast....
So that I can do many other things.
Since I'm not being trusted for studying hard, so I don't care lah...
I have already gave in the best and I think the rest will depend on fate.
I shall do what we have promised to do though I'm alone.
We've promised to go for more talk, to go help people around, go for sports activities, read books in the bookstore etc etc

My Penang trip is gone, my UK trip is gone, my Jogoya buffet is also gone...
The only thing that is left with me is the promises that are not fulfilled yet.
I'm waiting... waiting and waiting.

I saw this in the mail from BUBS.
I would love to share with you.

Hate brings great misfortune,
ate churns up and harms the mind;
this fearful danger deep within
most people do not understand.
Itivuttaka 84

2 down.. i have 1 paper left!
But i'm feeling lagi down...

I want to cry....
Cry cry cry...
I don't know if I pass my paper this time...
But I don't care...
I need the time to recover...
I need to spend a good amount of time to cry...
at least to release my sadness.

Wish me luck!!
I need so so so so so much of luck.

If you do know me well.. then you know I'm trying concentrating in exam...
Can't think...
Can't think of that!!

Dying man..
I have so much chapters that I don't understand 1 lah...
Give me another 1 week, i'm not sure if I can make it or not.

Stressed!
Stressed!
Stressed..

I don't want to see CF anymore..
It's totally killing!

I was chatting Edmund, my cousin in Singapore.
I told him about what happened.
He was comforting me...
He was telling me to concentrate for exam..
Hahahah.. expected.

I didn't know I feel much more comfortable talking to him than to my sisters.
I always think that my sisters don't understand me. Maybe not..
Maybe because he is not my brother... thus I find it okay to talk to him.

He was so cute...
Hahahaha!!
Anybody wants?
He is single and available!
Currently studying in NTU.

I'm dreaming..

I was telling Angela that if it is possible to skip the process of dating then jump into the marriage directly and I need to advertise on the newspaper for my marriage.
But she was laughing and she said that she herself and the rest of the women in the world have yet to advertise on the paper to look for husband but I'm already thinking about that.
She told me to que behind them...

Hahahaha!!
I'm not desperate!
Just that I don't want to feel pain again.

Dreaming on that I would spend my reading books and learning about Buddhism.
Will I be a Buddhist Nun??
I don't know.. it depends.
I'm clueless because I'm just feeling pain.
Nothing can ease the pain but time.
Though time makes me stop thinking about it and crying but I will not forget anything from that.

I just want a peaceful living.
No more dependency.
It is over.
Baby's dream is over.

Come back to reality though it's cruel but at least it's reliable.

I don't know how to get over.
I don't know how to do things.

It sounds stupid but true.
I spend 1/2 hr doing a simple ques... then I'll start crying..
After 1/2 hr of crying and thinking.. I stop.
I go back to do my work... then again I cry!

I hate this process..
I cannot take it.
This is killing...

Where are you?
Are you happy seeing me like this?

I don't want to do resitting again.

If I need to do resitting, I think I'm gonna stop studying!

不是我不要读书，但我真的集中不了精神。

我试着不要想，但偏偏又有太多的回忆。
我真的好想念有人相伴左右的时候。
我知道是没有的。我再想也是不会发生的。
我只可以把它都收在心中。
我现在只想把最好的preserve起来。

以前的那一段，我觉得没什么可以纪念。
但这一次的，我会终生难忘。
因为我有过最灿烂和最甜美的笑容，最大的试验，最惨痛的哭声。
我再也没有人可以依靠。
我只想静静一个人看月亮，看星星。
我不会再去逛超市了，因为没有人会告诉我，我煮的东西又多好吃，多温暖。
我不会再去想做很多东西，我只想深呼吸，然后，再呼吸，希望一下子我就能够不再需要活着。
活着实在太难过日子！
但有可能吗？

小公主的Papa，
你知道小公主多想念你吗？
你知道babysitter没有看着小公主吗？
你知道小公主每天吵着要见你吗？
小公主非常的伤心因为她知道，Papa不要她了。

Hey..
I'm starting again.
But this time it's gonna be short and simple.

No more craziness..
No more lame jokes.

Thanks friends for being with me.