i feel lost.

everything on my mind is about work.
i'm stressed but my face just don't show.
and after lesson learnt for the past 3 months, i learnt to keep them to myself.
i will not tell that to him, to friends, the colleagues, to anybody.
because i have got enough of troubles.

i feel lost again.

i don't feel that i'm in love.
i just feel that i'm alone except the lunch and the dinner.
i feel we are very far apart.

tell me... what can i do to make myself happy?
i do not want to spend.
i do not want to cry to myself before i sleep.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

i'm indecisive between hp and mac.

help!

i want to travel with air asia for free.
but 1 year from now is so hard to decide on too.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

i was so busy till i did not have time to update the blog about this very special date.
it's not my birthday.
it's not the day i got my confirmation, it was the day i lost the person that i love the most.

it has been 4 years.
and there was no improvement between the relationship of my father and i.
i thought it's already better since i don't ask for pocket money.
but my father's thinking is still the same.

my pc is too old and the network cable is not working.
i am actually using my bro's pc to go online and to blog.
i'm thinking of getting a laptop.
i need a bit of sponsorship.
so i thickened my face a bit and tried to ask a bit from my dad.
he rejected and scolded me badly weeks ago.

yesterday, i tried again because there is an ongoing promotion with HSBC credit card and he has credit balance.
he rejected me again and this time he scolded me worse and the words are harsh.
i can't take it and i cried very hard.

it has been 4 years!!!
so many things have been happening in the house (i don't call it a family nor home, i've never feel "home")
the fight between father and son, the MIA of the money by the son, the gossipping by the daughter-in-laws and the non-stop complaining about the son but still, he never notice the daughter cares.
to him, it's only money.
or to be precise, it's only the son and the grandsons can spend his money.

today, i feel sad.
i'm fed up.
i even tell myself to turn around and move away.

there is no one else in the world that i can rely on.
not the friends.
not the colleagues.
not the family.

who else do i have?
i have NOBODY.

i thought to myself, what do i live for.
and the answer is NOTHING.

i just want to be happy.
and there is nowhere that i'm happy being at.
not at home, not at work.
not at anywhere.

why do i live for??
do you know why do you live for?

my only and only dream is still to be disappeared.
i am making myself in trouble if i'm staying.
there is no one else in the world loves me like s/he loves herself/himself.

mom, i miss you.
i love you.
i just want to be with you.
i hope you are fine.
i hope you have the life you want to no matter where you are.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

should i get myself one???

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

8 Marriage Ruts: Are You In One?
Whether you've been married for three months or three years, here's how to get out of routines that hurt your relationship. By The Nest Editors


Rut #1: Watching TV During Dinner
Why it's bad: Having dinner together offers valuable face time with your partner. Turning on the tube competes for attention and cuts in on your time to catch up and connect after so many hours spent apart.

How to stop: Set aside 30 to 45 minutes of one-on-one talk time with the TV off every night. This shows your spouse that when you're not at work, you're devoted to your home and family. During this time, ignore your phone and leave the BlackBerry in another room. You'll feel closer within days.


Rut #2: Going Too Long Without Sex
Why it's bad: If the amount of sex you're used to having starts to slide, your body and brain can get used to the decreased intimacy, causing you to go even longer without wanting that closeness.

How to stop: Don't wait until you feel like doing it. Initiate sex when you're open to doing it, rather than when you have the desire. This will jump-start your feelings so you'll crave it more often.


Rut #3: Going a Whole Workday Without Talking to Your Sweetheart
Why it's bad: You'll start growing apart emotionally after subconsciously feeling like the other person doesn't think about you (and your needs) during the day.

How to stop: Initiate daily contact by sending a quick "How's your day?" email. And make the effort to do something nice every day (pick up his fave dessert, call from the store to see if she needs something). It shows forethought and consideration for your partner's needs.


Rut #4: Tuning Each Other Out
Why it's bad: You're disengaging from each other.

How to stop: Make an effort to do small things such as kissing before saying good-bye, making eye contact when talking, and complimenting each other frequently throughout the week. Does he not seem to hear you talking during certain times (ahem, when ESPN is on)? Don't try to make conversation while the TV is on. If it's important, press mute; otherwise, save conversations for dinner or your bedroom, where you're less likely to be interrupted.


Rut #5: Not Fighting
Why it's bad: Disagreements are good in a marriage because you're expressing your individuality. Talking about issues when they first happen makes them easier to fix than if you wait until after they've festered.

How to stop: Bring up what's on your mind in a way that shows your admiration and respect for each other's thoughts and feelings. Like, "It hurts my feelings when ______. I was hoping we could figure out a new way to handle the situation together." This will set the tone of the conversation as loving and calm, but you both have to compromise to keep it that way.


Rut #6: Going out More with Friends Than with Your Spouse
Why it's bad: It sends the message that your friends are more worthy of your time.

How to stop: Schedule nights out with your crew a few times a month, but make sure to let your partner know in advance. It's important to have these friendships as long as they don't make your married time sparse. And it's always best that these friends are people your partner knows and trusts, so there's less reason to worry.


Rut #7: Being Too Close
Why it's bad: As much as you think burping, scratching, picking, or farting is funny or cute, it can backfire and cross the line. It may be a reflection of your closeness, but there should be a limit. Otherwise, you're leaving your partner with a very unsexy image of you.

How to stop: Start a new rule. If you wouldn't do it in front of your work friends, don't do it in front of your honey. To get your mate to refrain, say: "I know we're close, and we can share everything, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave the room, or leave me out, when you do that. It's not very sexy, and I don't want anything that makes you less sexy to me."


Rut #8: Sharing Too Much with Your Parents or In-laws
Why it's bad: This shows a lack of loyalty to your spouse. Your parents shouldn't have any information that your spouse doesn't have. And they shouldn't know anything he wouldn't want them to know.

How to stop: Be loyal to your spouse even when she's not present. If you wouldn't say something in front of her, don't say it at all. You would want the same in return.


[Nestpert] Dr. Susan Fletcher is a licensed psychologist in private practice and the author of Parenting in the Smart Zone


though i'm not married but it's a knowledge to learn about.

Labels: for your information

heya people..
i've just got a new commitment.

i am not committed to a fitness club membership.
some of the monies flew away.

but i hope i can go there often lah...
at least when he is not free, i have got something to do mah.

Labels: for your information, princess' life, princess' thought

i think i have to start doing my serious saving...

i'm thinking of getting my own place in 2-year time.
or worst come to worst....
i want to further study.

i can't tahan my dad's selfishness and being so unfair to me.

i just want to leave.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

mission - failed.



i've not been consistently drinking the meal supplement.
sigh...
i need to go to marie france sooN!!!

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought