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Fairy Tale of The Baby Princess
Sunday, November 30, 2008

:: so cold!! ::
some of you may feel cold for the past few rainy days.
but yours truly is feeling superdupercold.

today i cried a little.
i know something is not right.
i feel so given up and the old thought came to me again.

i want to disappear.
i want to move on.
i want to smile.

but i can't.
i feel so cold.

i miss the days when i was sick, and my mom is there.
i miss the days when i was unhappy, and my mom is there.
i miss the days when i felt uncomfortable, and you are here.
i miss the days when i screwed up at work, and you are here.

but those are the past.
and i can never return.

she can no longer cook me the porridge.
she can no longer keep quiet and leave me alone.
you will no longer worry if i'm fine.
you will no longer care if i make it.

today i'm not any stronger.
but i have more to think about.

i'm still me.

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 10:23:00 PM
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:: i was told ::
by a sis that i have came to know 3 years ago.
honestly speaking, we are not closed to each other.
but i tell her my problems.
she is a very independent girl that i look up to.

she told me this

"In evaluating a relationship, we gotta be very clear about what we absolutely can't live without instead of focusing on what we would have to live with. Communication and understanding each other is not easybut if you really care about each other, then it would be worth the effort."

and

"Everytime we argue, the reason always seem to stem from one same point, that is "I feel that you didn't have me in your heart or you didn't understand me." Then it becomes clearer that the problem starts from that feeling, which makes the misunderstanding worse... "

from the above two statements.... me, on another hand is doing some thinking.

am i really that not understanding???
- if you don't want to talk to me.... how am i going to understanding???
- i really try to understand, but i have no clue to it. i also want to know why you are doing this but too bad, you haven't been telling me until i scream!!!

tell me now..
what can i do?

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 12:45:00 AM
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Saturday, November 29, 2008

:: trust me ::
work is tiring.

but when everyday, you look at the time on your watch, you look at your phone to check if there is any missed call or text messages....

it's veryveryveryveryverymanymanymanymanymany more tiring.

and, the most tiring thing is - guessing......

you know what i mean?

:

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 6:34:00 PM
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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

:: a shitty day ::
today is not a good day.

1. because i kena complained!!!
shit shit shit.
i don't like this kind of feeling.
it's like menstrual. once a month that i kena complained.

2. because i am not feeling that well.
no particular reason.
maybe because i had migrane when i was out of town.... and came back for a short nap before i went out for dinner.
and guess what, i can't sleep. i slept for so little hours the whole night.

3. because i have been thinking a lot.
oh well, actually not that a lot.
it's most of the time, i don't want to think.
i need to face the fact.
but i still don't know what the fact is.

pls forgive me for the above rubbish.
i just want to breathe.

somewhere in the world - there, used to be a place where i can put my story. my thoughts. my feelings. but it has gone. i can't put it there anymore. i can only hide within me. in fact, i can't cope. but i don't have a choice. i must..... HIDE and SMILE.

well... life moves on.
and you have to explore.... and feel everything.

i hope it'll be a better day tomorrow.
明天会更好

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 11:51:00 PM
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Monday, November 24, 2008

:: it's so tiring ::
to love one in silence.

it's so tiring to wait.
it's so tiring to see.
it's so tiring to hear.

and it's really tiring to love one.

i am actually counting my days.
i wonder how much more i can last.

sometimes it is really good to be so carefree.
you don't rely on anything.
and you just live.

i wish i could be one.
or i shall say... i'm going to be one?!?!

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 7:46:00 PM
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Sunday, November 23, 2008

:: tummyache ::
the tummyache has been with me for a week.
everytime after eating.. pain...
everymorning i wake up.. pain...

pain loh!!

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 10:27:00 AM
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Saturday, November 22, 2008

:: weirdo ::
i'm a weirdo.

today we have came to a so-called solution which is restart again.
honestly, the both of us is like 50% want to give up, 50% want to be together.
but... i just speak my mind.

i want someone who is willing to commit to the relationship with me and share things with me.
commit as in responsible for everything. it's not compulsory to make me happy but if i'm with someone that is not making me happy, no point right? but to work out a relationship, you really share with the loved one. you really negotiate and discuss. not that you can be so carefree till s/he dies, only you realise.

that's the thing i want.
and he has said that he will start to share and everything is by UP FRONT!

i shall see.

but i'm in the process of knitting scarf for my babies and my 'fund manager'.
the best man quoted by yen ling.
you know who you are.
and my 'fund accountant' will be away for a month.
i'll miss the both of you when the both of you go away.

thanks the fund manager for all the management and consultation given.
hehehehe.....

but. i still want to see tulips.
that's the thing i'm looking forward to.
i'll pray for you.
:)

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 12:11:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

:: Beyonce - If I were A Boy ::
If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wated
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.


[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed


If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)


(Chorus)

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong


(Chorus)

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 12:29:00 AM
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Sunday, November 16, 2008

:: waiting ::
at this moment, i can't do anything.

i can only wait for my hair to grow.
i can only wait for the 7th to come, because it marks the day we started talking to each other.

i'm almost surrendering.
it's just that that i'm waiting for the time to tell.

again, i pray for a good night sleep.
i pray everything will be smooth because i have broken my feng shui item.
i just pray hard to be safe and healthy.

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 10:09:00 PM
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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

:: 2 more days ::
it's already the 12th
2 more days to the 14th.

in fact, i'm not looking forward to it.
i just want to hide.
i don't know what to do.

sorry.
i do not want to face the reality anymore.
i just want to keep quiet.
i will keep them all in my heart.

i'm bidding farewell to them... especially the twins.

goodbye babies
i'll always love you

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 12:08:00 AM
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Sunday, November 09, 2008

:: my piggy ::
my dearest,

i know you will never be here seeing this.
but i miss you deeply.

i change. i work hard. i give in. i trust. i believe. i smile.


you made me smile.
you touched my heart.
you wiped my tears.
you supported me.
you taught me.


i still want us to be successful together.
no matter how far apart we are.
my heart has never changed.


but i'll be the one that will love you silently.

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 3:58:00 PM
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:: my thigh ::
look at the picture....


honestly, you have a silly friend here.
the office is not very big.
and i am always running around the office because while half way talking to someone, my phone rings, and i have to run to my desk to answer.
and when i run, i always knock myself to the edge of the desk, to the edge of the side table.

it's just a silly me.
and this time it's actually swollen and quite painful.

physically, i'm injured easily.
emotionally, i'm hurt easily too.

i call myself a 容易受伤的女人
or should i call myself a 笨蛋?

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 12:19:00 PM
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Saturday, November 08, 2008

:: today ::
i feel a little relieved.

i read iris' blog.
i notice we are 100% the same in relationship but my characteristic is more boyish than her thus it makes me fails in relationship. i don't give in because i want to be treated equally.

nevermind lah.
the secret that i kept to myself and i have finally told my sis.
suprisingly she did not disagree.
she'll support me for my decision but for what has happened, she told me to move on.

thanks sis.
i've never felt so happy though when i failed in the previous relationship, she supported me too.
but this time around, it is really different.
because i realise she has been loving me for 24 years in silence.

oh yeah... i'm going to BKK in December.
but only over the weekend.
better than nothing.

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 2:27:00 PM
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:: i love myself ::
hehehe...

i love myself.

i'm trying to smile.

but boss has promised to help me.
i hope he can remember that he is supposed to bring me out of the hole.

:) i'm trying hard to smile.


Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 12:26:00 AM
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Sunday, November 02, 2008

:: crying season ::
it's now the crying season.
i think all of you know what i mean.

this time it's gonna be a big thing.
i think i need some time to get over it.

i'm sorry.
i don't know if i'll be fine.

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 7:44:00 PM
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Saturday, November 01, 2008

:: bad news ::
went for ultrasound this morning..

and the doctor said..
"unfortunately you have 2 new lumps"

omg...
does it mean that i need to go for operation again???
at the mean time i can only wait for Dr Patricia's call...

scare...

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Sealed with a Kiss of Baby Princess
@ 3:36:00 PM
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ME

i write my fairy tale.

i'm imperfect.
i'm lame.
i'm indecisive.
i'm just a normal girl, spending time, on earth.

i have my own piece of mind.
so don't bother to convince me with your thinking.

i dream on because i have faith in me. :)

MY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS

.: Sri Bestari :.
Angel Heng
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Mei Wen
Michelle Cheam
Rachel
Song Yuan
Tammy Lim
Vincent Koay
Wei Ken


.: HELP :.
Charles
Choon Weng
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Yee Mun


.: Friends :.
Eric Lim
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Esther Leong
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KY
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Viewtru
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