sorry for being mia.

there was something that i can't sort out in the past 1 week.
i am home.
but my heart has never been home.

i thought i can wait for you to come home next year to know you better.
i thought i can slack for another year and enjoy life as it is now.
i thought i should not bother you too much and add pressure to your work.
i thought i should just wait for time to tell.... it is gonna be you that will light up my life.

but

i did not know... time flies and they never wait for me.
i did not know... i can't assume that you will think the same like me.
i did not know... you will need someone to be there.
i did not know... you can always find someone better.

you know me..
you know my wants...
you know my impatience...
you know if the shan shines again...

i told myself that i should not hurt you with my bad temper.
i told myself that i should not gain pity.
i told myself that i should be more realistic.
but i did not tell myself i should hold up to the feeling and face it now.

till..... i lost the chance of telling you....
this time, i was the one of not asking....
and i do not know if i will have another chance telling you that i feel the same for you.

i do not know if i will want to see you again and smile the way i'd like to.
but... i hope the best goes to you.
you have been a great friend, great company, great listener and i hope you will always be.
but... i know there are constraints and you might not be able to do that again.

if there is something to blame about for the lost...
it's just myself for not being good enough.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought