every year, without fail, i will write down the things to be accomplished.
so fast it has been a year.
this time, i did not go anywhere.
i am home.
it is not any merrier than last year.
but i have my babies with me, not in full force.
4 missing.... and the dearest big daddy is missing too.
i miss them. but nothing i can do.
i can only think about them... miss them.... and love them from the heart.

everyone is bidding farewell to 2008 and welcoming 2009 with the widest smile.
i want to be one of them.... to smile.... and say hi to 2009.
i am one that saying goodbye to the past.
i thought i would love 2008 as compared to 2007.
but i don't.
i do not want to remember anything in 2008.
if i do have a choice, i want to lose all the memory.
they are such a painful chunk for me to remember.
i have no choice. i can't look back. i can only look forward.

my new year resolutions:-





1. Career
It is not so much about the money. It is more about career advancement. Honestly speaking, I want to learn everything that I can in a firm but I am not sure how much chance the bosses giving. I want to strive for the best. If I realise I am not appreciated, I will move on. Someone adviced me that... it's no longer about loyalty to the company, but it's about career path and future. As at now, I have not thought of looking for a job as I am still pretty new in the company and the industry. I just want to learn....... and improve.

2. Relationship
It was not a good one this year. I made mistake again. I stepped in too deep. I can't pull myself out. I have been crying and tearing a lot in 2008. I live in the past. I live in their past. I was not happy. I was affected by their past. I was wrong. I ruin everything with my hands. I do not want to look backward and find fault on anybody. I want to look forward. I want to smile. I do not want to cry anymore. I just want to be happy eventhough I am alone.

3. Savings/Money
Market has been so volatile and everybody thinks that it is gonna be a worse year in 2009. So i shall stop spending that much and do more saving. I have purchased new insurance plan in 2008 and I think I will buy another plan in 2009. Well, it is gonna be a big chunck of my salary but I have got no choice. I need to protect myself. I am also saving to get myself a new liability.

4. Friendships
I appreciate all our frienships. I would love to keep in touch with all my friends. Please always let me know if there is some outings!!! I want to meet up with you guys always. I want to have my own network. Do not worry, I really love you very much.

5. Learn something new
I want to learn piano. I need something to fill my time. I am no more one that rely on others. I do not need anybody to fill my time. I will search for my own happiness. With less expectation, I will have less disappointment. I also want to read and read and read!!! Self-improvement is always the best.



i do not know what to continue with.... because i do not know how to face the reality... face myself. i just know i want to be strong... tough... happy...

if i really have a choice, i would go back to a year ago... and choose to maintain only a friendship than developing a relationship. at least, i am not sitting at home now to cry.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

i am actually trying to cope with the changes since early this month.
i am actually learning to deal with everything by myself.

and i realise...
i'm scared enough to be in love again.

i try to conclue the previous relationship.

i thought i met the right one but i did not.
he is not who i thought he is.
and he gave up and he went back to be the normal him.

i thought i can make up to his life but i can't.
i am not the one that can make him happy.
and i just made him fed up with the relationship.

i thought i can make him change for good but i failed.
i am not the one that he afraids to lose.
and the fact is, he has never thought of changing for good.

today, i have come to a conclusion....
i do not want to be the same again.
i do not want to jump into love like that anymore.

my heart is pain enough now.
i do not want to feel the same again.
i do not want to be left alone anymore.

thus, i want to be alone.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

everybody...
yours truly is back.

i came home in a piece. but i lost my purse.
it's memorable trip.
but i hope the next time i'm there, i'm happier.

honestly, i din want to come back.
when i touched down LCCT... i teared.
i'm so tired because the flight has been delayed for 6 hours.
and... my heart is so so so painful.
i do not know how to face the reality again.
i do not believe in fairy tales anymore.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

hello...
i'm departing at 1625.
hopefully i can come home on sunday.

i will miss the babies and of course, you!!!

see ya

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

i ruined my own life so many times..
i fell and i don't know how to stand up again.

i wish you can tie my hand... close my eyes....
so that i won't do anything stupid to cry again.

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

just do a quick update before meeting up with friends.

this somebody has finally disappear.
i will never see this somebody in my life anymore.
why? because this somebody does not want to talk to me anymore.

i cried my heart out last night on the bed.
the heart stopped beating for once.
i can't feel the feeling anymore.
my tears have never stopped.
i keep asking myself 'why'

how could i be so blinded?
how could i be so stupid?
how could i be so cruel?
how could i be so slow?

i've been living in denials for some time.
and today i step out to see the world.
i observed the crowd.
i observed the love.

it will take me quite a while to know the meaning of 'love'.
it will take me quite a while to laugh from the heart again.
it will take me quite a while to show you the sweetest smile that i can make it.
it will take me really quite a while to forget.

for the past few months, i got angry.. but i forget them..
but to wrap up everything... though i'm not angry, but i still want to forget.

i want to MOVE ON!
i want to IMPROVE!
i want to ADVANCE!

mind it.. it's MIA kay.

i shall not afraid to be lonely.
i hope i can make it before CNY.
i shall forget everything..... everything.

sorry for not being the best for you.
i do not deserve to be loved by you.
sorry for not leaving you enough of space to breathe.
i do not deserve to be given any chance anymore.

sorry for not being understanding enough.
i do not deserve to be forgiven.
sorry for pressuring you again and making you shouted at me.
i do not deserve to be remembered by you.

goodbye love...
goodbye fairytales...
goodbye memories...
goodbye dearest you...

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

woohoo..
it's selangor holiday tomorrow.. but i still have to work kay!!
office in KL...

i'm kinda busy.
busy with what i've promised to the fund manager and the daughter.

okay..
i'm not doing well....
i'm not fine at all....
even health is bad.

i'm so freaking worried.

Labels: princess' life, princess' rant, princess' thought

'

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought

i have this love hate relationship now.

i heart holidays.. because i don't have to wake up early to go to work.
i heart holidays.. because i don't get called to answer everything.

i hate holidays... because i'm alone.
i hate holidays... because i don't get called to go out.
i hate holidays... because i will start to think about how my life goes again...

seemed like i hate more than i heart it.

sad but true...
this is yours truly.

anyway.. i'm bringing my coachie to make a dress today.
hopefully it can be done today loh!!!

Labels: princess' life, princess' thought, silly princess

although i was so tired and i slept early.
but i didn't sleep well.
i woke up several times.
restless mind.
maybe because.... it marks the day - today.
i believe sparks started this date, last year.
but what else i could say now?
maybe i'm the only one that remember all these but nobody else.

i have this very nice and meaningful song to share.
you were the one who shared with me and my understanding to the song was not that good until... today... i finally know it. and it tells me about you.

it has to be the best memory that i'll recall.




Kenangan Terindah-samsons - Celebrity bloopers here


Samsons - Kenangan Terindah

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang t'lah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itupun aku mampu untuk mengenangmu

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati..
Wooo( Begitu engkaulah; cinta sejati )

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupmu
Yang t'lah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupmu
Yang t'lah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

thanks for letting me know so much earlier about the song.
i know you will never come into my blog.
but i appreciate all the effort you have made.

today, is a day to remember.
i shall celebrate with my babies.....





ps: i will always love you.

Labels: lyrics, princess' life, princess' thought

oh no...
all of us did not sleep well..

mommy stayed awake till quite late because she was rushing for something.
and she can't fall asleep... the bed was too comfortable for her but she loves it.
and she had tummyache...

and the worst is....
there was morning call...
omg..... mommy had tummyache and headache...
she wants to cry at that hours when people starts praying.

you get what we are trying to say?

S I G H ....

Labels: babies' rant, babies' thought, princess' life, princess' thought

hey friends.
thanks for viewing my blog!!!
i have not much to say.
i do hope i am fine.
but i am not.

if one day, you don't see me here anymore, you'll find me somewhere else.
i am always around.... but sometimes, different angle.

i appreciate the friendship, the joke, the fun we shared.
i look forward to seeing you.


:)

Labels: princess' life